The Worst Day & The Best Day

This is a little long-winded, but please bear with me.  The ending is wonderful!

So Friday was really emotional.  Grammie passed away.  I was thinking about being strong and not breaking down at work.  (You know how awkward it is when people you kinda know come up and ask if you're ok?  No, I'm not ok, my Grammie just died and I don't want to be here anymore.)

I was thinking about all of my training classes I have scheduled next week and who will teach them when I am gone.  I was thinking about how much I hate funerals.  I was thinking about how much I love the 23rd Psalm, but would I feel differently about it once I read it at Grammie's funeral?  All of these thoughts and emotions were flooding my mind.  I was thinking about all of the things I had to take care of.  Who would take care of me?

I busted up a meeting my boss was having (really I just knocked on the door, but it still felt rude) and told her what had happened.  I had been keeping my boss up to date on what was happening with Grammie and that she may be passing sometime soon.  She told me to go home early, be with my family, and not to worry about a thing.  I felt so blessed to be with a company who cares about people and takes care of their own.  I really felt taken care of.

So, while driving home, I call my in-laws (oh, they are so wonderful) and they agreed to keep Claire Friday night so that I could go to the movies with Luke and Bella rather than be stuck at home with the baby.  I just didn't want to be a home.  I didn't want to be alone.  I wasn't sure what the night had in store but, my in-laws took care of me, like they always do.

I arrive home and took a shower.  It just felt like the right thing to do.  To wash away all of those tears, or at least to stand in the shower and cry where it didn't matter because my face was already soaking wet.  But it did make me feel better.  I watched a few minutes of last week's episode of The Bachelorette (it's a guilty pleasure of mine although this season is a bit disappointing), folded a load of clean clothes and got dressed.

Luke called and said Bella's friend couldn't join us at the movies so we would meet at McDonald's, grab a bite to eat and all go to the movies together.  When we arrived at the Golden Arches, Bella asked me if we could go next door to LifeWay and get her a new Bible. 

Of course, was my first thought.  New Bibles are amazing!  Feeling the crisp pages, waiting to be christened with notes and late nights with flashlights under the covers because the story is just that good.  New Bible it is.  Let's throw down these chicken nuggets, set the correct time on Bella's new Shrek watch from her Happy Mean, and head next door to LifeWay and get this girl a Bible.

And then Bella says, "Well Momma Gigi.  Don't you want to know why I want a new Bible?"  And I reply, "Because the Bible you have has little lambs on it and it's really for babies."  And with her sweet smile she says "Nope."  "Well then, why?" I asked.  And then she gets real shy and tells Luke that he needs to tell me.  Ok, the suspense is killing me.  Did Claire color in her Bible?  Did she lose it?  What?

And Luke utters the best words I could ever imagine.  "Momma Gigi, Bella asked Jesus to come into her heart because she wants to live with Him and be a Christian!"  I started to cry.  My sweet girl had been saved.  She got real uncomfortable, but I reassured her that these were the happiest of tears.

Because every night I pray.  Not for a pay raise or a bigger house.  I have full faith that He will take care of us.  I pray nightly that Luke and I will raise Godly children.  That they will know the Lord and His great love.  For my oldest, this prayer had just been answered.

Luke later explained to me how this had come about.  He was telling her that I may be sad because my Grammie had died and gone to Heaven.  She wanted to know more about Heaven and why Jesus came to Earth.  And her questions just kept coming, so Luke sat with her for about half an hour and answered them.  He told her that Grammie went to Heaven because she was a Christian, and that only Christians go to Heaven. 

To make a long story short, she asked her Daddy how she could become a Christian so that she would go to Heaven too.  And so, in the middle of a parking lot, he led her in a prayer to ask Jesus to come into her heart.  My worst day had just become my best day. 

I can't tell you the joy I feel right now, knowing that Bella had found the Lord.  I'm almost crying as I write this.  And I know Grammie would be elated that her death had brought one of her great-grandchildren to salvation.

We may be sparse on posts this week as Claire and I travel to Huntsville for the services.  And then next week, Bella will be with her mom and I will be travelling for work in North Dakota, so probably not much time to write then either. 

But I cannot express how deeply appreciative I am for all of your thoughts and prayers.  They mean the world to me.  You are not strangers whom I have never met that live in far away cities, you are now my friends, and I am so thankful for the support you have provided my family and I.  Really, you will never know the depths of my gratitude.

And as my friend Alysha so perfectly quoted, "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

Home With Jesus

Today, my sweet Grammie went home.  I knew this was coming, but it still hurts.  I hate that my girls won't know her, her sweet smile, her amazing banana bread, her witty attitude and love of life.  I hate that my mom and dad are in such pain right now, and I just pray for peace over them.

We all know she is resting now and no longer in pain.  We all know that she is in Heaven with my Grandfather and with the Lord.  But it still hurts.  I am so thankful for three days of bereavment leave at work, since I've only been at my job for four months and have barely any vacation time built up.

It looks like the wake will be Wednesday night and the funeral on Thursday.  Claire and I will go to Huntsville, but Luke will stay here with Bella.

But something wonderful did happen today, and I can't wait to tell you all about it.  As soon as I can type more clearly through the tears.  Please keep my whole family in your prayers during this really difficult time.

Thankful on a Thursday

Well, I guess you can see this past week has made me reflect on all I have to be truly thankful for.  I have really incredible people in my life, and I should really tell them more often how much they mean to me.

11. My Grammie. I've never really thought about how it will be when she is gone, but I know the lessons I've learned from her will remain in my heart forever. I am thankful that she is comfortable and that I will see her again in Heaven.

12.  My Mom.  I know I was thankful for grandparents last week, but that's because they are so wonderful to my girls.  I am thankful for the wonderful mother she is to me.  She is so strong, inspiring, loving, thoughful, and while I could go on and on, I think you get the idea.  I love her more than words can say!

13. My Mother's Day flowers.  You remember when I posted this?  Yeah?  Well, they are still alive, and are so beautiful on my desk.  I am thankful that Luke knows when I need a little "pick-me-up" and that stargazer lillies are my favorite!

14. My Mother's Day cards. Although I was away from my sweet husband on Sunday, Luke sent me to New Orleans with two awesome cards. The one from Claire and Bella made my heart melt.  It had duckies on the front, and on the inside was Claire's hand print with the words "Best Mommy Ever, HANDS DOWN!" 

Luke's card said "I may not be completely trained, but I am completely in love with you."  He is so thoughtful! 

(side note: My Mother's Day gift was a blog redesign from Blogs by Jocelyn so look for that soon. We have our annual Customer Conference at work this week, so I will be slammed and probably not able to post or respond to your wonderful comments. So my new design may already be up when this is scheduled to post.)

15. My church.  I know I have blogged about Highlands before.  But two weeks ago I was sick and last Sunday I was in New Orleans, so I have really been missing my church.  The worship is amazing, Pastor Chris is an incredible communicator, and I just feel so blessed that we found a place like this.  I know that God led us here, and I look forward to the wonderful things He has in store for Highlands in the future.

What are you thankful for today?  Be sure to go visit Nish at The Outdoor Wife, too!

To everything there is a season...

My trip to New Orleans this weekend has really hit this one home.  As I look into Claire's crystal blue eyes and then into the blue eyes of my Grammie, I see the circle of life. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (KJV)
“ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up."

Grammie is going into Hospice next week, and we just pray that she is comfortable until she goes home to be with Jesus.  I feel at peace with what is happening, but it breaks my heart that Claire will not know Gram and how much she enriched my life.  I will make it a point to tell the girls of my memories of Summers at her house as a kid, learning the difference between self-rising and all-purpose flour, creating the perfect ham glaze and how clothes dried on a line simply smell better.

But we did get to visit with my parents, Aunt Shirley and Casey, and Aunt Nancy...

We also got to go swimming with Claire in the pool for the first time.  She loves baths so I was sure she wouldn't mind the water.  I was right, she actually loved the water.  And since I was a lifeguard and swim team coach, I'm not sure why I was surprised.  I also got some video of her putting her face in (I think she was trying to drink the water?) and kicking her legs, that I'll have to figure out how to post.  Maybe she'll follow in momma's footsteps.

And then we had a wonderful Mother's Day lunch at the Harbor, our favorite seafood establishment.  I did what I always do... get so excited about my catfish basket that I dive right in and burn the roof of my mouth.  Hopefully, Claire will learn from her mistakes- unlike her momma.

Can you tell I just learned how to create a collage?  Maybe I should write more about how Claire has changed my life, and how this Mother's Day is especially special, but I think she knows.  But I will say that I am becoming my mother.  In every way that I swore I wouldn't- I am.  Guess that's one of life's little jokes.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend and Mother's Day!

Detours on the Road of Life

So just when I think I have everything under control and I am finally in a groove, life throws you a detour.  I can't tell you how often this has happened to me, but this one really hurts.  Grammie, my mom's mom, had a stroke about seven months ago (the week before Claire was born). 

Mom and I went to visit her in Huntsville when Claire was 11 days old.

She was in a skilled nursing facility, trying to rehab the left side of her body (the stroke was the right side of her brain).  In November, the family made the decision to move her from Huntsville to New Orleans so that she could receive care at Ochsner and be closer to mom and dad.

But she didn't get better.  She really just got worse.  Claire and I went to see her in December, and Luke came with us again in February.  She was weak but still herself, making jokes with the nurses and laughing about figure skating in the Winter Olympics (she loves figure skating like no other).  She then moved back and forth from the nursing home into the hospital with pneumonia, an infection, a seizure and last week, another stroke.  This one was in the frontal lobe, which contains your personality.  She is no longer the Grammie I know.

There isn't much time left, and my family needs me, so Claire and I are jumping on a plane tonight and heading to New Orleans.  It's last minute, I'm exhausted from packing late last night, I have no idea what I even packed and I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, but you do what you need to do when family needs you.

My relationship with my mom is irreplaceable.  We talk at least five times a week, if not every day.  We tell each other everything (it was so hard not to tell her I was pregnant with Claire for two weeks until I saw her in person).  She is the rock of our family.  And now I need to be the rock for her.  I have a few things set to publish this weekend, but I'll be back Monday with an update.

We know the Lord is a mighty comfort, and we rest in His peace.  Please keep us all in your prayers as we travel this road.