Mommy Fail: Earthly vs. Eternal

I would like to be the kind of mom that always has everything together.  We all would like to never forget the cupcakes for church small group, the team t-shirt for Highlands Kids, to bring a meal to the family with a new baby, and the list goes on.  But I have come to find, that with two girls this Summer, I don't have my stuff together.  I just don't.  At least not as much as I would like to.

On the first Wednesday night of each month, Highlands does a baby dedication with the family of these new precious angels, giving and dedicating their lives to the Lord.  I had been waiting for July 7th since Claire was born.  It would be the only first Wednesday of the month that we would have Bella with us until Claire would be nearing 18 months old.  We would go up on stage- as a family, the four of us- and dedicate Claire to Christ.

Well two nights ago I walked into the Wednesday night service, running late of course, to see that baby dedication taking place.  Only, I was not on stage with my girls and their father.  I was standing in the auditorium doorway sobbing.  Mommy fail.

How could I forget?  How could I let this slip my mind.  I had remembered to pack flossing sticks for Bella because the string is too hard for her when she went to my in-laws the night before, but I had forgotten the night I had anticipated for nearly nine months!

I just.broke.down.  Saying to myself that these girls deserve a mother who remembers these sorts of things.  Not the one that remembers the Highlands Kids blue team is behind, needs every point they can get and remembers to grab the blue team t-shirt.  But they deserve the kind of mother who doesn't forget the single day in a year when her family would be together for this oh-so important night.

Not the one who let her husband do the dishes because he knew it needed to be done despite the fact it would make us late. But the kind of mother who lets dirty dishes lie because some things (church included) are more important than clean sinks. Mommy fail.

If I would have remembered.  If we would have been on time, we could have just joined the other new parents and babies up there at the last minute.  I was sobbing.  I have failed as a mother.

Luke had no idea what to do.  He had no idea that this was the only first Wednesday of the month we would have Bella.  I'm not even sure he knew baby dedications only took place on the first Wednesday night of the month or had calculated that this was the one and only for us this year to all be together.  These are the things moms are supposed to know, and moms are supposed to remember.  Mommy fail.

He just held me.  Let me cry.  And then an usher led us to two seats in the far-right upper balcony, because that's all that's left when you get there late.  I cried through worship.  I cried through prayer time.  I'm about to cry just tapping this out.  I will likely be dedicating my baby without her big sister.  Mommy fail.

Alot of people have been telling me lately how "together" I have everything.  Unpacking and repacking for all of these trips.  Never letting the ball drop on a home-cooked meal or at work.  Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, making all the appropriate phone calls and never forgetting to send a card.

Well, I don't have it together.  Not where it counts, and that is about to change.  Never again will I let Earthly things get in the way of Eternal things.  Never. 

So God, was this was the lesson you wanted to teach me?  If so, well done Teacher.  Mission accomplished.  I get it now.  Point taken.

I have been trying really hard lately to have it together.  I mean, really!  To maintain some semblance of a home, excel and move up at work, while finding time to watch my girls grow.  But I have let the idea of having the Earthly things "together" take over, and that is not what's important.

Would I have loved to dedicate Claire to the Lord with her big sister there? Yes.  Would I have loved Bella to be on stage in front of the church that has prayed so long and hard for her sweet, and recently saved, soul?  Of course.  Would I have liked to have been seen as the ideal family of four with a house and a dog and a mom who has it all together?  Well, that doesn't seem so important anymore, does it?

No folks.  It's the Eternal, not the Earthly.

It's okay to want Earthly things (though we've already talked about contentment).  But go after the Eternal.  Don't sob through worship- Raise you arms, clap your hands, sing louder than the person next to you.  Don't sob through prayer time- Get you hiney down there, find a prayer team member, and let them believe with you in prayer, even if you're not sure what you actually need prayer for.

It was a Mommy Fail.  I had failed my girls as a mom in teaching them the importance of the Eternal over the Earthly. 

But I am back, realigned and refocused.  And the devil should be scared!

PS. Thanks, God.  I now know I needed that lesson.  Even if the people sitting in front of us were a bit weirded out by my sobbing.